So much for "love thy brother"

Upon hopping online this afternoon, I was greeted on CNN.com with this headline:

Doctor who performed abortions shot to death

And if there's one headline that is 100% guaranteed to rile me up, it's something like that. So of course I had to stop in the read the article. As you may know, the topic of abortion rights is one of my most passionate arguments. In fact, it may be the reason I had the rear window of my Mazda smashed in with a baseball bat last weekend. I had 2 bumper stickers taped to the inside of the window, one of which said simply "Keep abortion safe and legal" and the other, my favorite, said "If you can't trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a child?" I still have them, thankfully, but I haven't gotten around to putting them back up in the new window. I'm not certain it's the reason it was smashed in, but in the absence of any other reason, it may as well be.

I have a lot of things to say about people who are pro-life. It's such a bullshit term, pro-life. Last November, there was a constitutional amendment on the Colorado ballot, Amendment 48, which would define "personhood" as beginning at conception. All the pro-48 stickers said, "Yes on 48: Every Person Counts."

And you know what? I agree with that. I do. But what I don't agree with is the fact that a teeny tiny cell that has just been implanted by a sperm is a person. I'm sorry, it's just not. A zygote does not have voting rights or citizenship or the ability to walk and talk and function like any real, living person does. In fact, I don't even think a fetus is a person until it is able to come out of the womb and feasibly live by its own breath. I am not certain what point that is in a pregnancy, but whenever that is, I will grant that that is the point at which a fetus becomes a person, or a baby. Until the thing can breath and pump blood on its own, fuck it, it's not a human being. It has the potential of becoming a human being, and that's what its fondest wish is I'm sure, but sorry, if I can't buy liquor till I'm 21, a human fetus cannot be a person until it can breathe on its own. If "personhood" begins at conception, then goddamnit I want to be able to drive in the HOV lane by myself. Technically, there's 2 passengers in the car, aren't there?

All this being said, to cover all my bases now, I will say that I do not think late-term abortion is ethical. I do not think it should necessarily be illegal, but I don't think it's right by any means, and it's something I probably would not do myself. However, as it's neither my body nor my fetus, I really don't have a say in the matter.

Here's the thing. I think that if you don't like abortion, don't get one! Simple as that. Since when has any abortion hurt you? Unless someone came up to you with a vacuum hose and stuffed it up your unmentionable parts and sucked out your precious fetus, I don't really think you can say that anyone who has ever had an abortion has ever hurt you. Furthermore, it's not your baby. If it was, you wouldn't be getting an abortion, and everyone would be happy. But it's not. It's somebody else's. Someone who either may not want the child (when it does become one) or cannot support it, or a myriad of other personal reasons. It's their decision, not yours, so fuck off and mind your own business.

And don't get started with the whole "I'm doing right by other people" bullshit. If you want to make sure that your fellow humans are saved by the Good Lord, do us all a favor and donate to a food shelter, or adopt an orphaned child, or let a homeless person sleep in your basement. Help others who need help, not those who want you to stay the fuck out of their ovaries.

And if that is your argument, where do these radical pro-lifers get off thinking that shooting someone who performs abortions is the right thing to do? I'm pretty sure Jesus never said anything about killing people who thought differently than you. Oh yes, you're definitely spreading the message of Jesus' love with your .357 handgun.

For fuck's sake, the guy who was killed was a pastor. A clearly open-minded, progressive person who still (somehow!) managed to understand Jesus' message without strangling the rights and personal decisions of others. I wonder how he managed. Perhaps more people should take a page out of his book and mind others better.

I wouldn't mind so much about these pro-lifers if they actually gave a shit about the child who came out of the womb at 40 weeks of gestation. Why don't more pro-lifers adopt orphaned children from China? Or Latin America? If you are so pro-life, take care of LIFE, goddamnit! Don't tell me that I have to give birth to this unwanted child and then snub the local orphanage an annual donation. If you want to tell me, "Have this baby and I will adopt it from you upon birth," well then, now we're talking. But I don't hear about a lot of that going on, do you? And here's another thing: why are so many pro-lifers also okay with deadly conflicts like the Iraq war? They're perfectly fine with sending other people's children off to war to presumably come home in a body bag. This doesn't make much sense to me. However, my idol George Carlin did put it right: "Republicans need babies to send off to war so the can come home in body bags." Bless you, Mr. Carlin.

Yet another thing to keep in mind, dear pro-lifers. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone on this planet is a Christian. Not everyone is worried about going to hell for something they did during their life. I'm certainly not. So don't tell me that having an abortion is killing one of God's children or that I'm a mortal sinner. 1) I'm not Mary, so my child is not one of God's children, and 2) I couldn't give 2 shits about whether or not I'm a mortal sinner because oh, my "religion" doesn't worry about sins. In fact, we celebrate a lot of the shit you shun. Like practicing healthy, safe sex like people have done for thousands of years. So I think I'm set, thanks.

And for the record: A man who is pro-life is someone who I think should be castrated against his will. Because, gee, if I can't make choices about my own body, why should you? A woman's right to an abortion is hers. A man can NEVER tell a woman what she can do with her own body, because he can never get pregnant and never has to deal with the personal trauma it can cause. I mean really, who likes getting an abortion? It's not like taking a trip to summer camp, you know what I mean? If a man is in a relationship with a woman and wants to discuss options with her, I suppose that's fine, because at that point it's theoretically a problem relating to the both of them. But in the end, it is always the woman's choice.

Yes, I'm sure Jesus is pleased with your desire to go out and shoot people who don't agree with you. Sit on down with a Bible, mother fucker, and let's get a good look at the overhaul of what Jesus was really saying. Read the Ten Commandments. There's a great movie out about it in case your dumb hick ass can't actually read. Guess what: murder is a sin. "Thou shalt not kill." Looks like you're going to hell too, my friend. Going to hell for sinning, because you wanted to make sure someone else wasn't sinning. Seems it would have been easier just to mind your own damn business.

On the topic of cross-dressing

The afternoon radio hosts on the channel I listen to are talking about cross-dressing.

Why is it such a taboo when men cross-dress? Who said that this was bad? Women do it every day. I'm doing it right now in fact. Where did this idea come from that it was a "problem" in the mental sense if a man wants to wear a dress? A man who wears a dress is seen to have "issues" and should go to counseling to fix the problems he has. Why? What if he just likes the comfort of wearing dresses? Kilts, hello?

Jon and Kate + A Healthy Dose of Stupidity

Seems America is all atwitter* about this whole Jon and Kate Plus 8 show. I've been meaning to blog about this whole thing for a few days, but it seems every time I delay it's all right because I see something that adds more fuel to the fire of my discontent. Just in case you've been living under a proverbial rock for the last few years, here's the gig: These two remarkably fertile people, Jon and Kate, got together and kids. First they had a set of twins. Then they had a set of sextuplets. So, 8 kids in all, all under the age of, what, 7? Anyway. Lucky for them, along came the TLC channel who offered them a "reality" tv show. Perfect. I don't know how many seasons it's been on, but it's been a few. Now, everybody knows that everybody loves a scandal. And here comes the perfect scandal for this quaint little tv show: Jon turns out to be a not-so-faithful husband, and gets caught cheating on the wife. The story breaks, there is a crisis, and we all must tune in to see what happens next!

There's a reason it's called the idiot box.

I've been against reality shows since they dawned some 10 or so years ago. I just think they're ridiculous and fake. (Oh, say it aint so.) I've never actually sat through an episode of this show. I've seen bits and pieces of it; my roommate and her fiance, bless their hearts, watch it pretty regularly. Recently, Kate was on the cover of People magazine with a story about the whole scandal. (People happens to be one of my guilty pleasures - rather the opposite of men with their Playboy, I really just read it for the pictures.) That being said, I flipped through the magazine while waiting for some family to arrive for dinner, and read through the article. Kate laments that the two of them may break up, but she just has to keep doing the show because she needs the money. The other night, while flipping channels aimlessly, I popped upon TLC and an episode of said show, despite it being roughly midnight. Mildly disinterested, I stayed to watch for a few minutes. The family was at some Sesame Street-themed water park. I like chaos just as much as the next person, so I watched. Turns out it was a 24-hour marathon of past episodes in preparation for the season premier the next night. There was even a countdown timer. The day after, while poking around on Facebook, I came across some friends who had taken a quiz called "What Jon and Kate Plus 8 Character Are You?" Then, this morning while listening to the early morning radio show, the entertainment report included a story about how Kate has announced that she and Jon are indeed separating, and have already done so, and starting this summer the show will just be called "Kate Plus 8." Oh, but it just doesn't have the same ring, does it?

Why do we give a shit about these people? I've never understood our fascination with watching television shows about other people's lives. Are we that disinterested in our own lives that we have to watch other people in a probably-scripted show? I was not interested in Brittney Spears' television show, and I am not interested in this one.

Here's the thing. I think it's shameful what these two parents have done to their children. These poor kids have grown up with a camera in their house almost their entire lives. What is this going to do to their social skills later in life when they discover that life is not a television show? It was selfish for these parents to thrust this upon their unwitting children.

One of the things that really got me while reading the article in the magazine was how Kate blatantly said that she needs to keep doing the show so that she can support the kids. It's rumored that the family gets up to $50,000 per episode. Yeah, life must be really tough. How about you try to do it like real families (and single mothers, since she is one now) have to do. I realize that life is complicated and expensive with 8 children--but I would be willing to bet that this family hasn't paid a dime for a lot of things since the sextuplets were born. They don't know what it's like to really need money. It's said that the television show pays for all of their needs, their bills, everything. Yeah, I can see how that would be a tough decision for you, Ms. Kate. Strikes me that maybe you're in it more for the money than anything. Really, when you think about it, what else could you be "in it" for? It's sickening, and it's selfish.

The hapless Facebook quiz really got to me. Calling the children "characters?" Please. They are not characters, they are people. And furthermore, they are children. Are we that disconnected that we cannot distinguish between scripted fantasy and real life?

The season premier got something like 9 million views. Why? The scandal, of course. People wanted to watch in and see how the family has been reacting since the news broke of Daddy's infidelity. Wanted to see if he showed any remorse for it or if domineering Mommy was going to bitch-slap him with a wooden spoon. Puh-lease. We are attracted to scandal like moths to a flame. Too bad we are not more like the actual moth, who gets caught in the flame and burns to death.

I read somewhere on Facebook that people were reacting with sadness: "It was so sad, I cried when Kate cried."

Get real. People have affairs and get divorced every day of every year. And we don't give a damn about them, do we? And you want to know what I think? (Well, you've read this far, so I'm assuming you do) I think Kate could care less too. She's set for life with this television show. Why should she have anything to worry about? The woman is controlling and manipulative, and treats her children like chattel. I don't feel sorry for her in the least. As far as Jon goes--more power to you! I normally don't condone infidelity in the least, but this poor man was dragged into this television mess kicking and screaming, it seems like. Dragged in, furthermore, by Kate. I'm not saying that's necessarily a decent excuse, but it's better than some I've heard out there.

Why are we so dependent on the inane bullshit of other people's lives? Can we please get back to our own lives? These people are so disconnected from the reality of the American experience right now. I am reminded of a line in the musical 1776: "Most men with nothing would rather protect the possibilty of becoming rich than face the reality of being poor." The context is not quite the same, but the idea is there. Are we so depressed with our own lives that we must watch that of another person whose actual life is impossibly different from ours?

Hello, America! You are being paged, please return to Earth at the soonest possible convenience.

And while we're waiting for America to return to Earth, can we at least get these poor kids some peace? If the daughters of the President can avoid the public eye, I'm pretty sure these guys can too. Perhaps they'll be better off for it, too.


(And speaking of Twitter, you can follow me at http://twitter.com/zatzie)

The Trouble With Gays...

Since today the news hit that the California supreme court held the ban on same-sex marriages, I thought I would start off this magical journey with a little comment about that.

Tonight on the Nightly News, they ran a story about this, right after the choosing of Sonia Sotomayer as the newest Supreme Court Justice and the latest bipolar bounce-back of the US economy. Of course I'd seen the story this morning on CNN.com, until it was pushed aside by Sotomayer. But that's not her fault. Anyway. Listening to these pro-Prop 8 people makes me sick to my stomach, and I mean that quite literally. Their biggest excuse for wanting to deny people their American rights? "It's threatening to the sanctity of marriage and creates poor living environments for growing children."

Give me a fucking break. Here's how it basically boils down. Let's not let 2 people of the same sex who love each other get married or adopt children, because it could threaten the sanctity of marriage. Meanwhile, I'm going to go home and get drunk and beat my children with a studded belt and nobody will give a shit because my significant other is of the opposite sex, so it's okay. Yeah, and by the way, he's having an affair with an underage girl. No biggie! We're heterosexuals and therefore the superior sexuality because it's what God said was correct when He wrote the Bible so we can get away with whatever we want to do. But you fags better not even think about getting married, because that's threatening to my marriage.

Fuck. Off. How about let's all be CHRISTIAN about the whole thing and "do unto others..." Does that sound familiar to anyone? Yeah. Maybe it should be more like "Do unto others as I feel like it, and fuck the rest." Seems to me, the heathen pagan, that's really how it is these days. So much for all those love-thy-neighbor teachings that Jesus gave. I mean really. If this whole gay marriage thing comes down to religion, then let's not make inferences about what the Bible may or may not mean, let us talk about what it actually says. Did Jesus not teach us to be kind to our fellow humans, and spread happiness and joy. Somehow, it seems to me that refusing someone the right to happiness and children simply because they are of a different sexuality is kind of the opposite of the message dear old Jesus meant to spread. But what do I know, I'm just a heathen pagan.

But you know what? I don't even care if you are closed-minded enough to think that gays shouldn't be around. But you know something? They are. Just like radioactive chemicals and Styrofoam, they're here, and they're here to stay. (I'm not comparing homosexuals to chemicals and planet pollutants, but for some reason most people have a lot less of a problem with those kinds of things.) So keep your mouth shut and deal with it. You deal with the Styrofoam okay, don't you? They aren't hurting you, are they? When's the last time a gay person actually threatened you or hurt you or stepped in on your marriage? Right. Just like that Styrofoam you don't seem to care much about when you toss it away, those scary gays really are pretty harmless. All things considered, I'm pretty sure most homosexuals are better for the environment than most of the stuff you put in your trash every week. Don't like gay marriage? Don't get one--it's like abortion in that way. Mind your own goddamn business and let's get back to our own lives, shall we? This isn't the McCarthy era. We don't need to be watching in our neighbors' windows to see if they're doing naughty things that could compromise the safety of the United States. Unless your neighbors are Arabs, in which case have at it. (And yes, if you've been reading anything I've written here, you'll know I'm a big fan of a little old thing called sarcasm. In which case you will know that I am kidding. That being said, this is your one and only warning on the subject.)

In short, can we stop trying to poke into our neighbors' bedrooms and see what they're putting where and automatically assume that they're going to destroy your marriage which was probably going down the tubes anyway? Let's stop trying to mess with other peoples' lives and deal with our own, how about. Your kids will thank you for it.